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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29091489">Nothing's like before</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevquariel/pseuds/Nevquariel'>Nevquariel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Mention of Quadratum, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Riku is afraid to mess up things</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:14:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,474</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29091489</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevquariel/pseuds/Nevquariel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Riku was alone by the paopu tree, his gaze fixed on the horizon, completely lost in thought. He sighed and grabbed the star-shaped fruit that was lying near him. Two weeks. It has been two weeks since Sora and he had come back from Quadratum. Two weeks where he had tried to be a good friend, to give them room, to suppress that thing inside of him... He sighed.</i><br/> <br/> <br/>Riku had brought back Sora from Quadratum.  Unfortunately, his journey stirred some feelings he was trying to keep buried for Sora's sake.  Sora belonged to Kairi and the last thing he wanted was to mess up things between the three of them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nothing's like before</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A very special thanks to Maredwill who made me want to try writing despite my lack of confidence.  Thank you for beta-reading and for your precious help.  It means the world to me.   </p><p>    <i>Title from Simple and Clean by Hikaru Utada </i></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Riku was alone by the paopu tree, his gaze fixed on the horizon, completely lost in thought. He sighed and grabbed the star-shaped fruit that was lying near him. Two weeks. It has been two weeks since Sora and he had come back from Quadratum. Two weeks where he had tried to be a good friend, to give them room, to suppress that thing inside of him... He sighed. </p><p>When he had shown at the door of Radiant Garden castle, Sora unconscious in his arms, the lab team had immediately taken them in charge. They had brought them into a spacious room filled with monitors and other medical stuff. After a brief exam, Ienzo had insisted on keeping Sora in observation, not too sure about how his crystallized state could have affected him.  Riku had been free to go but there was no way he would leave his friend. </p><p>Sora had slept peacefully through the two first days. But Riku hadn't been able to sleep that much. Even if he had been really tired, his mind refused to shut down but instead seemed to want to torture him by replaying steadily what happen in Quadratum. And the memories stirred the visceral need he always had to watch over Sora. </p><p>On the third day, Sora had jerked in his bed, panic all over his face and eyes full of tears. In a blink, Riku had been by his side, his hands cupping Sora's face to force him to lock his gaze with his.  </p><p>"Don't worry", he had whispered softly trying his best to not let Sora hear how shaken he had been, "I'm here and you're safe."</p><p>Sora hadn't replied and Riku had let go of his face allowing his friend to look around, the realization that he was home sinking slowly into him.  After what seemed to be many long minutes, Sora let out a shaky breath of relief and threw his arm around Riku mumbling a hoarse but heartfelt, "Thank you". The way Sora had said it, without even doubting that his return was Riku's doing, had stirred something deep inside of him and his vision suddenly blurred with tears. They had stayed like this until Sora broke the hug and decided to lie down again with a huge yawn. Riku had stayed by his side until Sora was sleeping again, a slight smile across his face. When he had been sure Sora was okay, he had taken deep breaths and wiped off the tears that he had been holding back for Sora's sake. That night his mind finally agreed to let go and he slept more peacefully. </p><p>The day after, Kairi had joined them. When he had seen his friend, Sora jumped out of the bed, running toward her before engulfing her in a big crushing hug that she gladly returned with the same passion. After long minutes, Kairi had begun to giggle, begging Sora to let her go so she can breathe. Sora complied and apologized, giggling too, and dragged Kairi toward their beds. While Sora took his place back on his bed, arranging his pillows so she would be more comfortable, Kairi slid her arms around Riku's neck, dragging him into a hug too. </p><p>"Thanks for bringing him back, Riku. I'm glad you both made it home safely," she whispered in his ear before letting go and jumping on the bed by Sora's side. </p><p>Sora and Kairi had talked and laughed all afternoon. Riku had stayed with them but barely participated more than just smiling and filling in blanks when Kairi set out to tell everything Sora had missed during the last year. To tell the truth, his heart wasn't there. Sure, he had been glad that the three of them had finally reunited but still. The odd sensation that he had managed to silence after he came back from the dark realm had been sneaking its way back to his heart.  </p><p>"The boy is not for you..." Ansem had told him frequently while stuck in his body and "I don't care," had always been his answer. </p><p>But in Quadratum, Yozora had also challenged him, though in a completely different way.  And then, when he saw the way Sora held Kairi, how they laughed together and how that seemed to make Sora feel better, he knew his journey in Quadratum had reopened old wounds and the answer used to give wasn't honest anymore. </p><p>They stayed two more days at Radiant Garden. During those, Riku finally had been able to recover from his lack of sleep. Sora, even if his energy had been draining quicker than before, had been getting back to his old self slowly but surely. They had spent most of their time in their room, enjoying comfortable silence or chatting lightly. To his relief, Sora never asked questions about what happened in Quadratum. Riku was sure that Sora purposely didn't mention it, waiting for Riku to be ready to make the first step. But he never had the guts to start a full conversation about that and Sora had accepted his choice. </p><p>Kairi continued to visit but no one else came, everyone agreeing that Sora and him mostly need to rest. To brush away Sora's disappointment, they promised they would make amends by organizing a big party when Sora was better. That pleased Sora but didn't stop him from talking to everyone on the Gummiphone for hours.  </p><p>On the last day, just after lunch, Kairi had arrived with Mickey. They had all exchanged hugs and Riku had been surprised to see how much he missed his friend. Mickey had told them that master Yen Sid was asking for them to report. It hadn't been such a surprise for Riku but he froze nonetheless, fully aware of a pair of deep blue eyes staring at him. He knew that debriefing was an important part of the mission, but that time, he wished he didn't have to do it. To tell the truth, he would have preferred to turn the page and keeping what happened in Quadratum in Quadratum. Despite what he wanted, he was still his responsible self, and, not to forget, a master. So, attempting to ignore Sora's frown, he had agreed.  </p><p>One hour later, they were both on their way; Sora to the Destiny Islands with Kairi, he and Mickey to the Mysterious Tower.  </p><p>Master Yen Sid asked many questions. Riku answered them sparingly, avoiding the details he found too personal without lying. Master Yen Sid hadn't seemed to notice but strangely, he was sure Mickey had. He was also quite sure Mickey had figured out the nature of his omissions. When the meeting ended, he was relieved and grateful that his friend didn't push him on the subject.  </p><p>That night and the next he slept at the tower, telling master Yed Sid there was something he wanted to check at the library and truthfully telling Mickey he wasn't ready to go home yet. Mickey had nodded before asking if Riku wanted him to stay. He refused, explaining that he needed time alone to sort some things out. </p><p>Riku snorted at the thought. Sort things out... Yeah... Did he even come close to succeeding? He really doubted that. If so, he wouldn't be here, ruminating on his thoughts alone while Sora and Kairi were by the beach setting things up for Sora's return party. </p><p>To be honest, he was surprised that Kairi hadn't come looking for him yet to give him a piece of her mind.  When they had decided to organize this, she made it clear he needed to be there for Sora.  He had frowned and immediately argued she didn't need to remind him of that, but the look she gave him shut him up.  </p><p>"Don't you dare think that I haven't noticed how you're avoiding us since you've been back on the islands," she had said crossing her arms. "I don't know what happened back there and I won't ask because Sora made me promise not to, but you have to pull it together and soon." She sighed.  "And please, talk to him. It's not fair you're letting him worry like that."  </p><p>Kairi was right, like always. The thing is that he doesn't know what to do. He was so afraid of ruining their friendship over some silly feelings. What good would it do if Sora knew? It would just make things awkward between them and certainly wouldn't help ease his pain. He stared at the paopu fruit he was holding before dropping it. Sora belonged to Kairi, period. He just needed more time for the pain to fade. After all, he had overcome it in the past. It had taken months but he had done it. </p><p>Footsteps pulled him from his thought.  Seconds later, Sora appeared at his side.  </p><p>"Hey." He smiled and Riku genuinely smiled back. "Kairi sent me to get you.  She said she would kick your ass if you stayed here longer." </p><p>"Hmph... I'd expect nothing less."  </p><p>Sora giggled and leaned against the paopu tree next to Riku, hands behind his head, before gazing at the sea.  Riku turned to look at his friend, eyebrow raised.  </p><p>"Aren't you supposed to bring me back?"  </p><p>"Yeah... but I think I could use a break too." Sora winked at Riku. "And besides, I really missed this." </p><p>Riku had the feeling Sora wasn't exclusively referring to the view but also to them being by the paopu tree together.  To be honest, he missed that too.  A lot.  </p><p>"Me too," he agreed. </p><p>They stay like this for a while, just appreciating the sight in comfortable silence together like they used to do before.  </p><p>"We should get going or Kairi will get mad," Riku finally said, getting off the tree.  </p><p>Sora didn't move and shook his head no. </p><p>"Nah... I'll manage Kairi." He turned to look at him. "For now, I'm enjoying this.  With you." </p><p>Sora's deep blue eyes were fixed on him, his expression kind as always but more serious than usual.  Riku swallowed and his discomfort didn't escape Sora's attention.  </p><p>"If you want to...", he added nearly whispering. </p><p>Did Riku want to?  That was a question his mind and heart didn't actually agree on.  Without thinking he glanced toward the beach, absently noting that Kairi was nowhere to be seen.  After long seconds, his focus returned to Sora who was staring at him, waiting for an answer.   With a nod, he took his place back by Sora's side.   If his hesitation had hurt Sora, the boy didn't let it show. If anything, he looked relieved. They looked back at the sea, another silence settling between them.  This time it was Sora who broke it. </p><p>"So... will you tell me what's wrong?" His voice was soft and without any trace of irritation, just concern. </p><p> Riku's heart skipped a beat.  Trying to pretend this was a casual conversation, he kept his gaze locked in front of him. </p><p>"I'd rather not," he said after a moment.   </p><p>That was true. He couldn't figure out how to answer truthfully without messing things up. And he didn't want to lie to Sora. That's why he had avoided the subject to begin with. No questions, no lies. </p><p>"I had a feeling you would say that." Sora sighed. "Still, I don't understand why you won't tell me." </p><p>Riku kept his gaze fixed on the horizon in silence.  Sora frowned and turned to face him.  </p><p>"I'm worried, Riku.  You're not yourself since we've been back.  I'm your best friend, what happened that you can't trust me with?" </p><p>Riku jerked at that, his head abruptly snapping toward Sora in shock.  </p><p>"Never say that again!" he nearly shouted. "You know I trust you with my life." Riku took a deep breath, looking down. "It's not you I don't trust, it's me." </p><p>He heard Sora getting closer and his feet entered his field of view near the paopu he dropped earlier. How ironic, he thought.  </p><p>"Please... talk to me," Sora pleaded in front of him. He looked down at the star-shaped fruit on the ground. "I <i>know</i> I can help..." </p><p>"Sora... it's... complicated..."  </p><p>"Because you love me?" </p><p>The question took Riku by surprise.  His heart stopped and all the blood drained from his face.  His eyes flew up to search Sora's. He must have been kidding or trying to make him react, because how could Sora possibly know that?  But there was no mockery in his eyes, just some fond concern.  And anyway, inside of him, Riku knew better.  </p><p>"What?” he tried to laugh it off, shaking his head a little too vigorously. "That's ridiculous."  </p><p>And there it was. The lie.   His heart clenched.  He hadn't thought it would be so painful. </p><p>"Riku.... don't," Sora pleaded.  </p><p>But Riku took a step to the side feeling trapped with Sora in front of him.  </p><p>"Kairi must be waiting. I'll go fi-" </p><p>"I heard you." Sora cut in clear and loud to make sure Riku was listening.  </p><p>And he was. Riku stopped dead in his tracks panic getting grip on him.   </p><p>"What do you mean, <i>you heard me</i>?"  </p><p>Sora's face flushed and he gulped at Riku's inquisitive look.  </p><p>"In Quadratum. When... when you were talking to Yozora... about me." </p><p>"But..." </p><p>"I was in that crystal thing, I know.  To tell the truth it was hazy and confusing.  It took me days to figure out that what I heard that night was real." </p><p>So, that was how Sora learned.  </p><p>When he had found Sora in Quadratum, Yozora had been watching over his crystallization form. They hadn't fought right away. The boy had first tried to convince him how important Sora was and that he had done this to protect him and keep his light safe. They had quite a burning exchange about what was best for Sora, Yozora challenging him and messing with his feelings like Ansem had once done. But Riku had stood his ground, making it more than clear that Sora was way beyond a friend to him and that Yozora didn't stand a chance if he thought he would keep Sora away. That didn't seem to impress the other boy who had materialized his weapons, repeating that his mission was to assure Sora's safety and no one would stop him from doing what needed to be done.  So, with a twist of his wrist, Riku had materialized Braveheart and added, "If someone had to him safe, <i>I WILL</i>," before charging.  </p><p>But even if Sora knew now, that didn't change anything.  Sora belonged to Kairi, and now things would be awkward and it was all his fault.  Again. </p><p>"You weren't supposed to hear that" he breathed. </p><p>And before Sora could stop him, he turned on his heels and ran toward the bridge without looking back.  He heard Sora not far behind him. </p><p>"Riku wait!" </p><p>But he didn't. God, what he was going to do? How could he face his friend now that he knew? Everything will be different from now on.  Just as he was to enter the passage leading to the beach, a hand grabbed his wrist firmly forcing him to a halt.  </p><p>"Riku, please, don't run away.  I just want you to talk to me." </p><p>That ignited something in Riku's heart, something he was trying to keep at bay since their return.  Something painful and bitter.    </p><p>"And tell you what?" he spat, making Sora flinch. "That you are right?  That I'm sorry you heard? That I wish you -" </p><p>'That I wish you loved me back,' he had wanted to say. But he didn't have the guts to finish his thought. Sora slowly let go of his wrist, blinking. Riku closed his eyes and took a deep breath to attempt to regain control.  </p><p>"Look, forget that, ok? It will be better for everyone. I... I just want you to be happy.  And if it has to be with Kairi, I'll deal with it." </p><p>Without further ado, he started walking through the passage, leaving the door wide open behind him. He didn't make it far though. Sora rushed in front of him stopping him with a firm hand on his chest.  Sora was panting despite the short distance. </p><p>"What..." Sora frowned, truly confused. "Why are you talking about Kairi?  You... Do you think we're dating?"  </p><p>Riku sighed, confused but also very annoyed. "Obviously, yeah. Now, let me go." </p><p>"No! No... Hell no! What made you think such a thing? I mean, I love her but not... not like that!" </p><p>Riku felt like he had been punched in the guts.  In less than a minute, Sora had shattered all his certainties. But the facts were there, weren't they?   </p><p>"You shared a paopu fruit..." he argued. </p><p>"That's true.  She wanted to make sure we were linked together like you and I are without using a paopu." </p><p>"You sacrificed yourself to save her..." He continued. </p><p>"And I would have done the same thing for you." Sora smiled. </p><p>Riku didn't know what to add.  Sora belongs to Kairi.   He... He... </p><p>"She gave you her lucky charm..."  </p><p>That was lame. He knew it but his brain was so foggy right now. Sora burst into laughter. </p><p>"Seriously, Riku?" He placed a hand on his crown necklace tilting his head. "Are you done arguing now?" </p><p>"I ..."  </p><p>Sora smiled softly and looked at his friend with an expression so caring that it made Riku's heart speed up.  Sensing his nervousness (or maybe to hide his own) Sora took Riku's hands in his own.  His thumb automatically brushed the warm skin in a comforting way. </p><p>"I'm so sorry, Riku.  I should have been better at reading you..." he whispered. </p><p>Riku's throat tighten dangerously and he closed his eyes hoping that avoiding Sora's gaze would help keep the tears at bay.  </p><p>"But you should have told me," Sora admonished softly.  "I wish you had..."   </p><p>Riku's head dropped, ashamed.  He took a shaky breath before answering. </p><p>"I was afraid..." the words scraped his throat when he pronounced them. "Of making things awkward and...  losing your friendship."  </p><p>"I know now."  Sora's voice was so soft.  His hand left Riku's to carefully cup his face. "But I thought you would know by now that you will always be my best friend no matter what."  </p><p>"Yeah... I'm such an idiot."  </p><p>"I wouldn't say that," Sora chuckled in a watery voice. "Now, can you look at me please?"  </p><p>Riku hesitated a second before looking back.   The dim light that filtered through the open door was bathing Sora's features softly.   Watery teal eyes locked onto watery blues and Riku almost forgot to breathe.  Sora smiled shyly, shades of red suddenly coloring his cheeks, but never let go of Riku's face.  </p><p>"My heart has always belonged to you, Riku."  Riku's eyes spread wide open as the words hit his brain with full force. "It never stopped calling for you.  But I'm an idiot too.  I never dared to hope that you felt the same way.  I'm so, so, sorry." </p><p>The tears Riku had tried to keep at bay were now falling freely down his cheeks but he couldn't care less.  Sora just confessed to him.  Sora loves him, belongs to him.    </p><p>"Sora..."   </p><p>He cupped Sora's face too, his eyes searching intensely for any kind of incertitude. He found none. The only thing he saw in those deep blue pools was love and adoration. So much that he didn't even understand how he could have been so blind.  He didn't really remember if it was Sora, him, or maybe both of them that made the first step but the next thing he knew was that an electric shock jolted through him as his lips pressed softly against Sora's.  When he pulled back, he didn't try to contain his sobs and leaned his forehead on Sora's. </p><p>"I've loved you for so long," he confessed.  His heart wanted to burst out of him but God, that was so good to say... </p><p>"Me too," Sora said, a wide smile across his face.  </p><p>He brushed Riku's tears away and gave him another light kiss which turned into another, which lead to a deeper one.  Soon Riku end up sitting on the ground, his back against the wall and Sora on his lap, fully making out.   </p><p>Too soon, they heard Kairi calling for them, and, not long after, a cacophonic chatter filled the beach.  Their friends were there.  They stop kissing, sighing contently but neither of them moved, enjoying the moment a little longer.   When they finally stood up, Sora fixed Riku's disheveled hairs and smiled lovingly at him.   </p><p>"Are you ready?" he asked softly. </p><p>Riku knew that Sora's underlying question was 'Are you ready to face the others and let them know?'.  He grinned.  He never felt so sure of something in his life.    </p><p>"Yeah."  He gave Sora a quick kiss and clasped his hand with his. "Yeah, I am."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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